Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Thoughts and A Bit of Nora Cuteness!

I don't normally write posts like this, but since I've been missing in blog world for a week or so, I thought I should let you know what I've been thinking, who knows, it might me therapeutic. Basically I've been having a really hard time emotionally lately, and after last weeks MRI I think everything is just catching up to me and hitting me all at once. It was a crazy 3 months and we just went day by day and got through them, but now that life is getting back to normal, I have time to let it all sick in.

I try not to complain about things (except to my sister and best friend, they have to love me and not judge, lol). I think that everyone is having some sort of struggle or issue of there own, and I don't want to complain about mine, I believe we just need to make the most of what we've been given, and be happy. With that being said, it is way easier to believe that than actually live it. I am worried all the time about, as bad as this sounds, my kids dying. After Molly's brain tumor, and how bad she got, the reality that there was a chance she wouldn't make it really hit hard. And now that she is doing better and we are home, anytime her or Nora do something adorable or sleep or play or... it hits again how much I can't live without them, and then I worry some more. It is a vicious cycle.

Anyways, last week, I just sort of hibernated in the house with my girls. We didn't go very many places, and didn't clean, just played and laughed and enjoyed. Then on Friday, my friend Stacy took me and the girls to the zoo, and at night my sister took me to a girls night at my best friend from middle schools house. It was very fun, and just what I needed to get back into the swing of things.

I know I shouldn't worry, but I am having a hard time with it this week. I also feel guilty that I'm not always the strong mom I should be in this situation. Sometimes I am very strong and have it under control, and sometimes I'm a mess. Either way, I have an amazing support system, a wonderful husband, great family and friends, and the most amazing daughters in the world! And I feel very lucky for how well things worked out for us, and how great Molly is doing!

video

Nora laughing cheered me up a lot this week. :)

7 comments:

  1. I sure hope that you are doing a little better. Although I haven't had anything medical happen to either of my children, I always think about different things that could happen to them and it really freaks me out. You're not alone there...I promise. It's great that you have a support system. I really only have my husband right now and one of my sisters, but she is recently married and has a new baby and I really don't want to bug her with my problems. I tried talking to my mom this week about some things that have been bothering me and she turned the conversation to herself, so I've decided to just keep my head up and keep on truckin'. If you ever need an online friend (I know we don't know one another) then I'd love to have one too. I sound like a freak right now, but your words just really touched me.

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  2. It sounds like what you are going through is totally normal after something so tragic. Your are of course bound to have these feelings. We moms who haven't even gone through something like that feel that way- of course you would! But just try to remember to cast your cares on the Lord! And to give him your worries. As hard as it is, we need to trust Him with our lives and the lives of our children. They are not ours anyways- they are only on loan ;) I know when im really dealing with worry, i feel so much better when i have consistent time with Him. making sure i pray and read my Bible daily. I bet reading Psalms would be very comforting to you right now. I will say a prayer for you and hope you are better soon. Hopefully in a few months you will already feel better :) Hugs to you!

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  3. I hope that you are feeling better! I would have a hard time not worrying about that too, if I went through all you did, and with the outcome of Molly's scan...

    But just remember that she is strong, you are strong, and God is great! He does fabulous things all the time!

    And you can fb me anytime to vent! You should know that by now! :)

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  4. Kim, this is the most adorable thing i have every seen. I can't stop smiling just thinking about it

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  5. So glad you could open up and be honest about this all and share it with us, because I have to believe it is totally normal to "sometimes feel like we have things under control and other times feel like a mess." I get this now more than ever! hugs to you.

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  6. That video is the cutest thing EVER!!!! You know that anytime you need to talk you can call me day or night. I can only imagine what you have been going through emotionally with everyting in the last 3 months and it is only normal (and expected) to be emotional, stressed, and not the "strong" mom that you are. Just know that you are an amazing mom and you girls adore you. *HUGS*

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  7. That video is precious, nothing beats a baby's laughter...that is the best medicine.
    It is probably really good to open up and talk about your feelings, your fears with others rather than keep them bottled inside. You've got a great support system from us "strangers" on line. I would love to one day meet you in person and hug your neck. I would love to tell you face to face just how strong of Mom that I think you are and that any person going through such a worrisome time would react the same as you. I agree with another commentor, give your worries and struggles to God to hold for you. Trust in him, he is almighty. Hugs to you.

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