I don't normally write posts like this, but since I've been missing in blog world for a week or so, I thought I should let you know what I've been thinking, who knows, it might me therapeutic. Basically I've been having a really hard time emotionally lately, and after last weeks MRI I think everything is just catching up to me and hitting me all at once. It was a crazy 3 months and we just went day by day and got through them, but now that life is getting back to normal, I have time to let it all sick in.
I try not to complain about things (except to my sister and best friend, they have to love me and not judge, lol). I think that everyone is having some sort of struggle or issue of there own, and I don't want to complain about mine, I believe we just need to make the most of what we've been given, and be happy. With that being said, it is way easier to believe that than actually live it. I am worried all the time about, as bad as this sounds, my kids dying. After Molly's brain tumor, and how bad she got, the reality that there was a chance she wouldn't make it really hit hard. And now that she is doing better and we are home, anytime her or Nora do something adorable or sleep or play or... it hits again how much I can't live without them, and then I worry some more. It is a vicious cycle.
Anyways, last week, I just sort of hibernated in the house with my girls. We didn't go very many places, and didn't clean, just played and laughed and enjoyed. Then on Friday, my friend Stacy took me and the girls to the zoo, and at night my sister took me to a girls night at my best friend from middle schools house. It was very fun, and just what I needed to get back into the swing of things.
I know I shouldn't worry, but I am having a hard time with it this week. I also feel guilty that I'm not always the strong mom I should be in this situation. Sometimes I am very strong and have it under control, and sometimes I'm a mess. Either way, I have an amazing support system, a wonderful husband, great family and friends, and the most amazing daughters in the world! And I feel very lucky for how well things worked out for us, and how great Molly is doing!